Apathetic way to be

It has come to the point where I’ve become quite nonchalant towards things, life. Spent almost the whole of yesterday in bed when I was supposed to do work. Nothing seems to drive me and it really isn’t doing me any good. Up till now, I have 5 assignments due within this week. I haven’t started on any. And it’s been so long since I’ve had any sort of creative endeavours. If only I can channel this energy to school work. The truth is I’m just as lost as everyone else on what to do for assignments and everyone seems so worried but I really can’t be bothered. This is bad. This is very bad. I can’t bring myself to do anything productive if I don’t feel like it and I really don’t feel like doing anything now. Sigh.

Just the other day I was saying that I’m really just living for weekends. And that I can’t stand living like this because I’m living only for the sake of well…living. I desperately need to get my drive back.

……

Someone formspring-ed me. It made me smile, and I think I know who that  someone is.

http://www.formspring.me/symphonies32

Created a formspring account because I was bored. Probably not the wisest decision, but heck this makes life more interesting. So ask away!

(rah)2(ah)3 + [roma (1+ma) ] + (ga)2 (oh)(la)2

Yes I do occasionally listen to lady gaga…don’t judge.

Anyway I’m posting only because I don’t want to leave an “emo” post as the first post people see when they visit this page. It just doesn’t look nice and it doesn’t reflect too well of me. I’m not usually emo yanoe. 

Yesterday had been a nice hang-out-with-friends day. It started well and it ended well. I love my friends:)

My stomach’s growling as I’m typing this…and it’s 3am now:( I shall go finish my imported-from-japan cherry tomatoes. They’re like super sweet and juicy. Yummm. I feel proud of myself for having such a healthy snack. But then again, if I’m still awake at three in the morning, I probably am not so healthy anymore. Haha.

All of the things I thought were so easy just got harder and harder each day

“ …one had to expect very little—almost nothing—from life, Aaron knew, one had to be grateful, not always trying to seize the days like some maniac of living, but to give oneself up, be seized by the days, the months and years, be taken up in the froth of sun and moon, some pale and smoothie-ed river-cloud of life, a long, drawn-out, gray sort of enlightenment, so that when it was time to die, one did not scream swear words and knock things down, did not make a scene, but went easily, with understanding and tact, and quietly, in a lightly pummeled way, having been consoled—having allowed to be consoled—by the soft, generous, worthlessness of it all, having allowed to be massaged by the daily beating of life, instead of just beaten.”

-Tao Lin

To sow all the seeds I have but expect to reap no rewards, it doesn’t sound fair or just. Worse still it sounds like I’m just wasting my time and effort and cares. I said I wouldn’t let this affect me, but what if out of the darkness, it creeps back and starts tugging at the chords of the heart again. What do you do then. What do you do?

……

Listening to Stars again. 

I wish there’s going to be another off-day from school like today. I’m starting to not like going to school. Things just aren’t as fresh as they were before, there’s nothing to look forward to in school anymore. 

As you grow older, you get jaded easily. And that’s exactly what I’m feeling now. Jaded.

Gimme symphonies

“Reality is harsh. It can be cruel and ugly. Yet no matter how much we grieve over our environment and circumstances nothing will change. What is important is not to be defeated, to forge ahead bravely. If we do this, a path will open before us.” 
— Daisaku Ikeda

SD kenshu was quite a blast. Very enriching as well. Testimonials were very inspiring and touching. Listening to testimonials makes me feel that I have it so much better, like there really are people out there who are in a more difficult situation than I think am in, or have far worser experiences. So then when I think of the things that are bothering me, I feel so stupid because it really is such a small issue and I shouldn’t be allowing it to affect me so much because I should be channelling my energy to greater and better things.

Caught up with some of the FD grads. Met wei lin, my “square” buddy. Haha. Then met elaine, gosh did I miss her. We were talking after lights out(that was 1 am btw), and we just went on and on about school(her complaining about jc life and me expressing the woes of a design student) and boys and whatnot, till around 3 am before we decided that we should sleep else we wouldn’t survive outdoor activities the next day cos we had to wake up at an ungodly time; 5 45 am. It was very nice talking to you, elaine:) (if you’re even reading this)

Then almost immediately after we were dismissed from kenshu, I received a text from nat to go for a movie. So then I met up with her at around 4 plus. She actually waited for me for about 3 hours?? I swear she’s the only person I know who can wait alone at a public place for so long without losing her patience. Haha. She just needs a book really. Oh and starbucks. Caught Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus, but because I was so so so tired, I fell asleep four times during the movie. I would believe the movie is a good movie, not just because there are four sexy actors in it, but because it truly is a good movie, although some parts I really don’t get. But I was dozing off one third of the time, I really can’t make a judgement. But the visuals and graphics were…imaginative(duh) and quite amazing. 

……

Sometimes we seek only relative joy, we tend to forget about absolute happiness.

We’re not the same dear

We’re secretly all cats.

And I like cats, you should too.

That sounded like incoherent nonsense. In fact this post shall be categorized under nonsense. It’s 3.25am and I really should be sleeping and getting ready for school in a few hours’ time. But I still have tons of work/shit to do and I have so much to think about again. Aghhhh, sleep is for the weak. But I’m weak.

If I’m a cat, I’ll be a really lonesome one.

Damn you for being so easygoing

Okay so Andrew Bird is one of the most awesome musicians ever. Like EVER. And he’s so good live. The way he plays his violin is sexy beyond words. And not to mention his whistling. Awesome times three. Got third row seats, so we could see him up close, and the way he plays…you can really tell that he’s very into the music and just feeling it and everything, it makes you feel connected to his music as well. We didn’t expect an autograph session, but there was one after the concert ended. So immediately after Bird played his last song, and we were all standing and clapping for him, nat was like “Autograph session! Autograph session!” And I was like “huh now?” Then we started running to the exit to queue for autographs while everyone was still clapping and cheering for Bird inside the theatre hall. Haha, it was a super fangirl moment. A pity I didn’t bring my camera though, so didn’t take any photos. But at least I got his autograph, so I’m satisfied enough. 

Now I have to bring myself to do assignments which are due later at 5pm. Yay to school. Gosh, I’m so tempted to skip history and culture class later :/

Sidenote: I like how I know that I’ll have friends blogging the same subject(simultaneously or not) as me, and we all start writing our sentiments, because we attended the same event together. I bet nat and deon has an andrew bird related post already.

Scenic World

I actually don’t feel compelled to write anything, maybe just for now. Oh wait, I just remembered something. Yesterday, during lunch, weishi said to me “Today when you go home you’ll be at your doorstep and you will laugh because you will remember me telling you this and you will laugh at your doorstep”. I just realised that I did not laugh at my doorstep, haha I didn’t even remember her telling me that, until now…

Anyways, The Killers concert is actually cancelled!! Hahaha, I really shouldn’t be laughing, but I just feel so happy that I did not buy their tickets. And relieved that I’m not losing out on anything, cos I initially wanted to go for it. Heh. 

Andrew Bird’s next tuesday!!! Cannot wait to hear him whistle live. Deon and I were trying to master whistling since just now, and his whistling sounds like wind blowing. Haha and mine…mine just sounds like a broken whistle. And nat was there showing off her whistling technique and all haha.

Oh I’m actually thinking of going for shugo tokumaru even though he sings mostly, if not all of his songs in japanese. But music is universal right, and his music makes me happy and want to frolick around. Also, I find it funny how he sings “parachute” as “prashoo”. Haha.